The Third Thing I Don't Mean

So maybe I miss you more than I breathe, but right now I hardly breathe at all.

They all think you're full of shit but I still think you're empty.

Throw me again and I won't let you catch me.

Keep your goodbye gift and leave me the present.

You don't need to frown if it's easier to smile - I already know both are fake.

Maybe if I cry a real tear you'll be a real friend.

So stab me when my back is turned, so kick me when I'm down - perhaps someday you'll realise that hate isn't a noun.

'Welcome to Time' - What does that mean?!

Does this need an introduction, a thesis statement like in English class? Don't worry, I'll make sure it's not deeply metaphorical - god forbid it gets rejected and I have to dumb it down for my PhD teacher who can't spell her own last name (no, really. A student had to correct it for her).

Alright. So, Summer was...absolutely amazing, and probably life-changingly maturing and all that if I'd stop to think about it. Except, school's started again, and I feel like all I can do is be here, because if I start thinking I'll get upset. So I'm content, but also ridiculously restless...maybe a result of all the changing places during the summer, with all new people, cultures, etc - I can't imagine how happy I would be to wake up and find out I'm starting over (albeit also incredibly uncomfortable for the first week, but that's how it always is - then the 2nd week I realise I'm beginning to be myself again). 

More on this later, because I still need to plan out my next course of action.

If you were wondering, 'welcome to time' - I had a dream where someone said that to me, right before I woke up, and it keeps running through my head. How dumb does it sound? I don't know. Like those psychic people in stories who sound so strange, saying something totally random is really important. 

Well, sometimes it's really important.

Occasionally.

Or maybe our dear psychic is just so damn restless, she needs something to mix it up.

The First Thing I Don't Mean

Today was up and down. I'm going to camp in a week, and I should be excited. It's just that every time I think of camp, I think of looking forward to the future. And what's in my future after camp? School. With all of them. I might've been okay if I didn't have three years of it left. I can't stand this. I hope to god camp'll be like it was last year, because the afterglow from last year has been the only thing giving me hope. If this year isn't like that...I'll live. I'll live, but I'll hate every moment of it until next summer. 

I'm being so dramatic, with all this hopelessness...

I don't want this on my shoulders. 

It's freakin heavy, and I already have back problems.